last night was great. it was fun to watch you pack for your NYC trip, and just talk about the most random things while we listened to music. sitting on your couch playing the “hand-slapping game” was cute and it reminded me that its awesome to like someone that you can easily laugh with. and hey, the sex was quite good.
and then i think through the night we spent together and i am reminded that i wasn’t myself. i wasn’t as open or as focused as i wanted to be. my touches were jerky and unsure, and remember when i turned my head when you gave me a hug? so you kissed me on the cheek? remember that? i did that because i wasn’t sure if i was supposed to open my lips and take you in or not.
you see, i don’t know “what we are”. i know. that’s stupid. you are 32 and i’m 28 and we still need to DTR. but we tried before. i said we should just be friends, and you said that i was “wonderful” but that you weren’t ready to date yet. so we played friends for a week, and yet here we are; even deeper into this murky state than when we first had the conversation.
but this is it. i’m out. mostly because you had your chance. when i said i liked you and i wanted to continue to move towards a relationship your response was “i think you’re wonderful. i’m attracted to you, and love spending time with you. i just don’t want to date.” (insert pause) what kind of fuxing bullshit is that!? and then i’m reminded about how we first met; to when you confidently approached me, called me beautiful, and said that you wanted to take me out so that you could get to know me better. i’m reminded of that because it’s not that you don’t want to date and it’s not that you don’t have it in you to practively go after what you want. you just don’t want to go after me. you just don’t want to date me.
so okay fine. i’m out. because either way, you’re not getting the best of me and someone out there deserves it.
adios mutha fucka.
— Louis de Bernieres (via quote-book)
What if it doesn’t work out?
Ah, but what if it does."
— Peter McWilliams (via quote-book)
kevin has really been unwilling to make plans with me. he blew me off over the weekend, including most recently last night.
we were planning on getting together tonight to watch a movie, but he hadn’t confirmed anything. so i invited my cute neighbor to go get coffee (i’m really selfish because i partly wanted someone to hold my dog so i could run in and get some).
well, you’ll never guess who we ran into on the way there?! (kevin and i live in the same neighborhood). yup. we ran into kevin. i believe me head was tilted back in laughter when he approached me from behind. the look on his face was priceless.
thank you “timing-gods”. i appreciate you making me look like a fuxking p-i-m-p.